Bend it Like PCOS

I just found out out that Victoria Beckham has PCOS.  Really??  That would explain why she only has four kids and can't lose that last 1% body fat. How depressing. 

This is the most frustrating thing about PCOS - that we don't all share the same symtoms.  So I have to spend my life shaving my face and trying to lose weight while Victoria Beckham looks like Victoria Beckham.   Whatev.

The Plan

Goal Weight: 135-140 (about 5 pounds a month for 8 months)

Goal Size: 6-8

Other Goals:

No chub rub.
Feel comfortable in a bikini
Increase flexibility (I’m the most inflexible human alive)
Be able to wear pretty undies

Get ready to have you socks knocked off.  My plan consists of eating right and exercising.   You may find this a tired notion; HOWEVER, my plan is more…organized.  Yeah, that’s right. 

I spent many hours (Yeah, at work. Your point?) coming up with a 4-week meal and exercise plan.  At the end of each month, I will start it again.  I can modify it f I want but either way, I don’t have to think about what I’m going to eat or how I’m going to exercise for the entirety of my Initiative.  I’ve also even made the shopping list for each week. For me, half the battle of sticking to a diet is finding myself unprepared or being too lazy to come up with something healthy to eat.  So I just end up going out to “grab a quick bite” or getting full on things like spoonsful of peanut butter, pickles, chunks of cheese, trail mix... before I settle on an actual meal.  You know exactly what I’m talking about. Or, more likely, not knowing what exercise to do that day so ending up half-assing it on the Elliptical.  Basically, my diet will be low carb, low glycemic and no refined sugars or dairy. It’s my personal philosophy that dairy is the devil and he dwells in cheese.  I’m also doing a very plant-based diet with not much meat – I’ll be eating A LOT of salads.  And fish.  Any month that has more than 4 weeks will end with a juice fast. 

I will exercise twice a day.  This will be the real challenge.

I have a goal to lose five pounds a month.  This is a lot, I know.  But, if it gets close to the end of the month and I’m not where I need to be…you guessed it!  Another juice fast.

Usually when I diet, I reward myself with food.  Like, Ohhh I’ve been so good lately, let’s get ice cream!  That’s a slippery slope, my friends.  This time, I’m rewarding myself with other things.  For example, once I hit my first 10 pounds, I can buy myself a scale for my house.  I know, I know, it’s extravagant but what’s the point of a reward if you can’t enjoy it?  Plus, it will allow me to be even more obsessive. Another example:  I’m going to a wedding in October.  If I lose 15 pounds in time, I can buy myself a new dress.  You get the drift.

I’m keeping everything I eat and do in a journal.  Something about having to look at what you ate (what you honestly ate) just shames you.  I’ll also weigh and measure myself and keep those precious gems in my journal as well.  I might also do a photo progression.

I’m saying no to special occasion cheats!  Just because it’s someone’s birthday doesn’t mean my tongue gets a present.  Just because someone’s retiring doesn’t mean I can retire my diet.  Just because someone’s having a baby doesn’t mean I need to look like I’m having a baby.  Just because…that’s enough.

I’m ignoring the hatas.  You know anytime you try to lose weight, especially once you experience any type of success, people start peer pressuring you to eat.  Oh, you look great, eat a brownie.  You lost half a pound?? Eat some cake.  I brought candy, eat, eat, eat!!  And I’m just gonna be like, step off ho (cuz it’s always a woman.  Men are like, No sweets for you?  Yeah, that’s probably a good idea…).  Beware of the sneakiest of hatas.  They like to tell you things like, you deserve this, you’ve worked so hard, treat yourself, everything’s ok in moderation.   We are NOT normal.  Everything is NOT ok in moderation!  A moderate amount of sugar=a moderate I’M STILL FAT!

So, there ya go. That’s my plan.  Let’s see how this goes…

...Then the Skies Opened Up and God Sent Down a Breville Fountain Juicer Plus

As I’m sure were thousands of other BBWs, I was inspired to start a juice fast after watching Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.  If you haven’t seen it, watch it.  But basically it’s a documentary about a man who is overweight and unhealthy and decides to go on a 60-day juice fast to lose weight and wean himself off his daily pill cocktail.  He accomplishes his goals and helps other fatties that he meets along the way.  It’s heartwarming really. Obviously, I did a lot more research before jumping into juicing but this was the first I’d heard of it. 

In addition to the above mentioned documentary, I recommend The Juicing Bible, Second Edition by Pat Crocker (Betty’s thinner, healthier sister?).  It not only gives great juice recipes but explains what each fruit/veggie is good for and also has a section on natural cures for a variety of different ailments from Alzheimer’s to flatulence.  Here’s the section on weight loss.  You’re welcome.

During a juice fast, you ingest nothing but fresh fruit and vegetable juice (you’ll need a juicer), water, and decaf herbal tea. You can do a juice fast for any length of time you choose.  Three days is a nice detox and I work with a woman who has done thirty days.  I personally have done two 10-day, one 7-day and one 3-day fast.  I just completed my second 7-day fast.

Sit back, relax and let me tell you a little about my experience:

During the first 10-day fast there was a definite placebo effect going on.  I think I was just so excited to try it and I wanted it to work so badly that after the third day, I felt amazing!  I could see better! I had energy! I loved everyone and everything!  I felt so inspired and like I’d discovered the secret to a long, healthy life. The second and every other fast I felt hungry, irritable, weak and super emotional. Yet, I lost weight so I endured.

More realistically, the first few days I feel tired and very weak.  Sometimes I get headaches.  It helps if you ease your way into the fast by eliminating sugar, meat, dairy and caffeine from your diet several days before you begin.  (Doesn’t that just sound so easy peasy?)  I did that the first fast and think that’s why it was such a pleasant experience.  The others I just kind of jumped into because I was experiencing a superfluous amount of self-loathing.  On average, I lose about a pound a day when I juice fast. 

What’s so great about the juice fast is, though you’re technically starving yourself, you’re still providing your body with all sorts of wonderful vitamins (pronounced vit-uh-mins) and minerals.   You feel hungry but it’s a different kind of hungry.  More of an empty feeling.  This isn’t so bad once you realize your stomach looks flat.

I was a bit hesitant to juice because I was afraid, given the insulin resistance that is PCOS, the sugar in the fruit and veggie juice would make me feel sick and/or store all the sugars as fat like it usually does. But it doesn’t.  I don’t get headaches or feel nauseous which is odd because I sometimes do when I eat whole fruit (especially pineapple).  I guess because it’s so low calorie my body if forced to use to put it all to good use for once.  I also try to avoid pure fruit juice and use low glycemic fruits when I do drink it.

The other issue with juicing is, what to do about my medicine?  It’s recommended to stop all medications while juice fasting.  I, like many of you, am on birth control and Metformin.  I stopped taking my Metformin for a couple of days during the first 10-day fast.  I didn’t stop the birth control though…I’m trying to be skinny, not a Mommy.  I personally didn’t notice a difference between taking the Metformin or not so I continued to take it during future fasts.  Of course, you should probably work all this out with your doctor first but…I mean, I got this.  If you’re doing a juice fast as a detox, then I might recommend not taking your medications.

Let me just tell you, fasting requires some serious will power sister friend.  The second day of my most recent fast I was offered Swedish ginger snap cookies, apple crumb pie, cupcakes and a brownie…all before 10am! There are bowls of candy everywhere I look.  There is a glorious dessert tray in the work cafeteria.  My husband makes himself a “sweet treat” every night before bed.   It’s not only the sweets either; savory can be just as tempting.  You’ll start to crave the weirdest things, just to have a something in your mouth (I realize that sounds naughty).  Things you don’t even normally eat.  And the smells!  My God the smells…

Speaking of work, to juice during the week, I make a juice for breakfast than a separate batch of juice to bring to work.  I make enough for 2-3 servings of juice throughout the day.  It helps to put a little lemon (juice it in or just throw in a slice) in the work juice to keep it fresh.  Also, you’ll definitely need a refrigerator at work.  If you don’t have one, that might be an issue.  Juice tastes the best immediately after making it but it’s drinkable throughout the day.  It also sucks drinking the same juice three times a day.  I’m very lucky to have a juice place right across the street from where I work so I can have a little variety sometimes. I drink tons of water and lots of tea, mostly to stay warm.  Juicing can also lower your body temperature.

Don’t be shy.  I know you’re wondering how this affects the digestive system.  Some people experience diarrhea, some people experience constipation, some people stay the same.  I personally experienced neither though I certainly wasn’t going as much as usual.  There’s nothing solid in your tummy so how can anything come out of your booty, feel me?   If you feel you need a little help gettin’ things moving, there is a variety of herbal laxatives that you can find online, in health food stores, etc. I will warn you because I had to learn the hard way – beets are a laxative!! I won’t get into the details but I once juiced two whole beets in a matter of two days and soon thought I was hemorrhaging from my anus.  Beets don’t just stain your clothes red, if you know what I’m sayin’.  It was not pleasant.  I also didn’t experience much gas (thank the Lord) but many people do.

Let me just do a quick pros and cons list for you more visual learners, including some unexpected side-effects I experienced:

Pros	Cons
Lose a lot of weight, fast	Requires uber will power
Clear, bright skin	Tiredness-like can’t pick your head up kind of tired
Better vision (not Rx-wise, more vividness)	Weakness-daily activities like going up stairs is challenging
Facial hair growth slows	Irritability, emotional
Dark Circles around eyes lighten	Nagging hunger
Stomach feels flat	Expensive (so much produce)
Lots of compliments!  Seriously-when I juice, everyone tells me I look amazing.	Constant trips to store to buy more produce
	Cleaning the juicer sucks ass!
	Difficult at work
	Can only do moderate exercise-difficult to get back into routine
	Lower body temp (cold all the time)
	Irregular poo poos

 

I realize the cons list is longer but did you see the first pro I listed??  As challenging as it may be,  it’s just nice to have this little ace in my back pocket whenever I need a weight loss boost.

In case you’re curious, here’s my juicer.  I got it on sale at Macy’s plus the 25% Friends & Family discount.   I also hear emulsifiers are a great option but I’ve already invested in the juicer.

 

My Story: A Fat Girl with PCOS

I was an early…very early developer.  I had my period when I was just shy of 11.  I wore my first bra in the 4^th grade.  I looked like a full grown woman at 12.  It’s my philosophy that early developers can deal with this unfortunate situation in one of two ways: become a raging slut or begin a life-long journey of insecurity. I chose the latter.

I began experiencing a variety of unpleasant symptoms at age 11 and throughout my adolescence: dark skin under my arms, excess body hair, facial hair, frequent headaches and nausea… all the things high school boys look for in a girl, ya know?  I also began my long journey into fathood.  It wasn’t until I was 18 that I was finally diagnosed with PCOS and put on Metformin.  I’m 29 now and still taking Metformin and still experiencing most of the same symptoms.  And still fat. Though I did somehow manage to land a man, a very good-looking one at that.

I’ve decided to take a serious initiative to be thin by the time I turn 30 on May 8, 2013, which is 8 months away.  But Jen, it’s not about being skinny, it’s about being healthy.  Vomit.  Two kinds of people subscribe to that notion: skinny people and fat people who are in denial.  I am healthy.  Now I want to be skinny.  I’m 5’5, 175lbs.  I haven’t worn a bikini since I was five. I have permanent chub rub discoloration on my thighs.  It’s time.

Here are some of the more extreme things I’ve tried to lose weight (Of course not 100% of the time, but let’s assume I was also exercising five days a week):

I had my resting metabolic rate tested.   I was told I was eating too few calories and needed to eat more.  The idea is that when your body doesn’t get enough calories, it goes into starvation mode and stores fat for later.  Weee!!  More food!!  I know this is going to come as a total shock but I actually gained weight.

I was a local spokesperson for LA Weightloss (I used to work for a radio station).  I followed their plan to a T.  I lost a good amount of weight but then plateaued and soon started gaining back. LA Weightloss could not believe this and told my boss they didn’t believe I was following the plan and asked for a new volunteer.

I ate nothing but vegetables and ran every single day.  I added a tenth of a mile every day I ran.  This worked.  I was the skinniest I’ve ever been and in amazing shape.  Unfortunately, that was short-lived because…because who the hell can do that forever?!

I saw a reputable (and expensive!) nutritionist who gave me very high hopes as she was very confident she could help me reach my goal weight.  She gave me a doable meal plan plus my normal exercise routine which I followed for many months.  I lost a few pounds then plateaued. 

She then had me tested for food sensitivities which would provide me with a list of commonly eaten foods that my body needs to avoid.  The science here is that if you’re constantly eating foods that your body can’t properly digest, then your body is in a constant state of inflammation which ultimately prevents you from losing weight.  Google “weight loss and inflammation” for further explanation.   I’m including the list of foods I couldn’t eat so you can have an idea of what that hell was like.  Chocolate?! Seriously?  You'd be amazed how difficult it is to avoid black pepper. And lemon.  And sugar.  And diary.  I didn’t lose weight and my nutritionist gave up on me.  I was devastated because I loved her.  She was my girl crush and crush me she did.

Severe Intolerance	Moderate Intolerance	Mild Intolerance
Don’t eat at all for 6 months	Strictly Avoid for 6 months	Limit to a few times a week
Apple Cocoa Mustard String Bean	Barley Black Pepper Cane Sugar Cantaloupe Cashew Clam Cow’s Miilk Ginger Goat’s Milk Lemon Tuna Turkey Vanilla White Potato	Cabbage Chicken Codfish Egg Yolk Orange Parsley Pear Pineapple Rice Salmon Sole Spinach Squash (Yellow)

I went gluten free, sugar free, starch free, low glycemic (not all at the same time).  All of which helped me lose weight initially, then plateau (are we seeing a pattern?). 

Then, I found juicing.  Juicing actually works for me and will be an integral l part in this weightless adventure.  Let’s discuss this deeper in my next post, shall we.

Here’s the thing.  I know that in order to lose weight, I have to work a little harder once I plateau.  However, ladies with PCOS know that we have to work harder than most just to lose that first little bit.  Then you want me to work even harder?   Ok, I will.  But then I plateau again, quicker this time.  And so on and so forth.  Once you get to a point that you’re working so hard just to maintain…you’re going to lose motivation.  No results=no motivation.  Men especially don’t understand that, mostly because they always see results.  But that’s a whole other post.

P.S.  I didn’t talk much about exercise but it’s a consistent part of my diet plans. My husband is in the health industry and is a certified personal trainer so he’s always around to help me with my workouts.  That’s how I know they’re good and that’s not the issue.  I realize weight loss is about eating right AND exercising but it seems that diet is way more important for me to successfully lose weight.

So, thanks for listening.  I hope you come with me on my journey to thirty.  I hope this blog will help me follow the plan I’ve created and maybe help others in the same boat.  I’ll tell you about The Plan later, so chill.